Crash Boom Bang: A Narrative

*NOTE!* I know there are no pictures, and that it's a bit long, but indulge me.

This sunny Saturday started relatively early for a certain budding freshman. Her highly athletic {and oh-so-cute} roommate had inspired her {through means of slight guilt} to go jogging. Up at 8:00, she set out to energize and uplift the day by way of physical exertion. After some exertion, and resulting exhaustion, and feeling excessively productive, upon returning home, this said freshman gathered up the various necessities required to successfully complete a load of laundry {this freshman being wise enough to realize that the highly available washers/dryers would become far less so on the very conveniently free saturday morning.} A quick jaunt back up to the second floor to grab her dear old BOM, she bounded out the back door to read and soak up some sunshine-still feeling very full of endorphins. Thinking ahead, she figured that as it was a saturday morning, and still relatively early, the most opportune time to enter the place of extreme food consumption for other freshman like herself {yup, the Cannon Center,} was right then. And so, with BOM in hand she went straight up the hill to enjoy a filling breakfast.

Now, as the author, I must note that this clever and still rather happy freshman, was listening to her ipod {her very dear, and oh-so-lovely ipod.} Earbuds could be found stemming from her ears on the walk, while in the laundry room, even while reading the BOM {it was Sigur Ros, so it was okay.} And of course, these said earbuds did not come out during the breakfast tray-loading process {why would they?} Nonetheless, still feeling happy, still full of endorphins, but gradually feeling that exhaustion and slight soreness of that good ol' "over exertion"  becoming more and more prevalent, our dear freshman filled up with a bowl of oatmeal {with granola and skim milk,} Orange juice {100% of course, but with a splash of tangy cranberry,} bananas {two: one for now, and one for later} and a dish of melons {can't seem to break the habit, I have some every time I eat breakfast in there} with some cottage cheese {which I don't remember being quite so good.} The last item to top off this breakfast of champions was a glass of water. Quite a simple addition, but essential nonetheless. This said tray was already quite laden with all of the aforementioned goods, plus the real goods of the ipod, keys, id card, and BOM. 

**From this point on in the story, the author would like the reader to imagine the happenings in slow motion.**

She reaches over for a final glass to fill with the universal solvent. The tray is delicately perched, and not so deftly balanced upon the edge of the tan faux-marble countertop. In reaching in the opposite direction, and still wearing those earbuds, the delicate tray slipped off the edge of the tan faux-marble countertop and {now really picture the slow motion here!} crash . . . boom . . . bang . . . {hence the title.}

With a calm sense of utter and absolute embarrassment {we're back to real time here by the way,} our dear, dear, yet oh-so-clumsy freshman took a moment to assess the ridiculous, yet not quite uncommon, event that had just occurred. At this point a red flag must have gone up, {similar to those employed to indicate when a fellow passenger has gone completely overboard.} Passersby noticed, and took their own moment to offer a silent, yet thankful, prayer that it was not them standing over their breakfast. And the masses came in.

There was Dan from central Ohio, who was the only one brave enough to risk any acquaintance with this sad soul. The damp towels were brought in, along with the lady in the official-looking embroidered black shirt with a squirt bottle. 

Shall we assess the damages:

-A shattered bowl {of cottage cheese and melon} which means

-cottage cheese and melon everywhere

-100% OJ {with a splash of cranberry} spattered everywhere

-Bananas, ipod, keys, id card, and of course the BOM crashed to the floor

-A slightly damaged, but reparable, self-esteem

Now assuredly, you may well be asking about that dish of oatmeal. Well it landed up right, perfectly intact, without an oat out of line.

What do you think happened next? Despite an internal debate to perhaps skip breakfast this particular morning, our courageous {and vaguely hungry} freshman went right back, grabbed a new tray {the old one had been whisked away by an eager-to-flee helper} as well as some utensils {fortunately those had been neglected on the first round} and headed over to the oatmeal stand.

After clean-up, an innocent and middle-aged bystander came up to the slightly disconcerted freshman, and told her that he had seen the whole thing happen. And though he wanted to say that he saw the tray was falling he didn't because he saw that the earbuds were in. {Not so innocent indeed.}

So there is a moral to this story that the main character of this tale can take away. And I'm sure that we can all tell what it is: If someone has their earbuds in, don't sit there and say nothing if they are about to be exposed to some intense embarrassment-just yell LOUDER!!!

The End